Waking Dimensions
by KelseyMorgan
Summary: Pain. Ever consuming pain. I grasp Natsume's shirt so tightly that I believe it to be my only lifeline grounding me to consciousnes. This impending desision will tear me apart from the inside. How can I possibly make the choice to leave everything behind?


Hello, my name is Kelsey. This is my first time posting one of my ideas on fanfiction. My story takes place before Mikan reveals that she will go with Yuka in chapter 121 of the Gakuen Alice manga. Also, the whole story will be in Mikans point of view unless I see fit otherwise. Keep in mind that the personality of my characters differs from theirs in the actual manga. This is my story so things will be shaken up a bit, but the over all scheme should turn out the same. PS. The name of this story may change in the future. I wont be able to update as often as I would like, but I think I can promise at least one a month. I re-read my work a lot so it takes me a while to get my stories just the way I like them. Another thing is that every now and again there is a chance that I will go back and revise my previously posted chapters. I suggest you go back through and skim over them once in a while, so you can be sure that you didn't miss anything important. I am open to any questions, comments or concerns you may have about the story. I will try my best to address all of your reviews. Flames are highly accepted. I see them as yet another way to improve my writing skills. One more thing, this is just the prologue. My other chapters will hopefully be much longer. ~Enjoy~

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Recap on Ch.121 of the manga  
Ruka lets Natsume know that he is okay with him and Mikan being together. Natsume comforts Mikan while she grieves over her parents past. Mikan reveals whether she will go back to the academy or flee with her mother.

(A/N: I'm not positive of the proper suffix to use for Japanese names. Therefore, my story will not contain any. I wish I knew how to write them but alas, I do not. The characters names will be written the English way: the first name then the last name. I'm terribly sorry.)

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**PROLOGUE**

Pain. Ever consuming pain. My heart feels as if it's being ripped away from the inside. I'm being dragged under into the dark realm of unconsciousness. I'm sitting dangerously close to the edge of darkness, but I'm holding on.

I'm grasping Natsume's shirt so tightly that I believe it to be my only lifeline grounding me to this world. All I want is to be able to curl into myself and lock my emotions away forever. I don't think I can handle this heavy burden weighing on my heart. I feel as if I might implode any second. Is it not natural for me to feel this way? After all, I just witnessed part of my very complicated, gruesome past. I can't change it. I know that. So why must these tears keep spilling over and these broken sobs escape me, even though I've come to this realization. If I cry much longer I fear that I will soon lose the ability forever...

What am I doing? I've had enough! I refuse to be this weak person that people look down on because they believe me to be an idiot. I'm tired of having to step back and let my loved ones fight my battles. As of now I'm done being that Mikan. I'm going to transform myself into someone who my friends can rely on to be protected by. This is going to be hard, possibly the hardest thing that I have ever done, but I can do it. I know I can. I have to succeed.

While I'm having my internal revelation, I keep silent. I _want_ everyone to be oblivious to my inner workings. For if they figure out what I'm planning, they will surely try and stop me. So instead of telling the whole truth, I do the next best thing: I reveal the less complicated piece to my puzzle. I think that I'll hang on to Natsume's shirt just a tad longer while I mentally configure what to say…

_-Sigh-_ All right it's time to launch into my half-truth.

While I carefully untangle myself from Natsume's grasp I manage to capture his gaze. Within his crimson eyes are emotions foreign to his usually stoic face. Gentleness, love, and dare I say it, happiness are harbored there. As bad as I hate to admit it, those emotions will soon be replaced with ones of a darker nature, because of me. I've decided to lock that memory of him away for another day's relishing. That way I'll have something to hold onto so I can make it through my treacherous journey. I don't have enough time to build up to what I'm about to say, so I guess I'll just come out with it already. Here it goes, my one shot to turn my life around. I wipe the tears off of my face, square my shoulders and turn to face the ones I love. My gaze is met with pitiful glances and questioning looks. I don't want their pity; I need their strength to do what must be done.

"Everybody. I have made my decision." I stated in a monotone voice. Nodacchi is the first to break the silence. "And what might that be Mikan?" At the mention of my name my resolve begins to fade. Now is the time when my emotions must be in check. I keep my head high despite the turmoil going on within me. "I will go with this woman, my mother." Audible gasps were heard. Even Natsume's guarded tongue allows for a sharp intake of breath. I almost hate myself for causing them so much pain. The only thing that keeps me trekking on is the feeling of rightness this decision brings with it. Certain things must be sacrificed to accomplish a greater good.

"But you don't even know her!" Hotaru exclaimed, successfully breaking me out of my reverie. I looked deep into the amethyst eyes of my best friend and tried to convey every thought and emotion running through my mind. Then I steadily spoke, "No I don't, but I wish to get to know this woman who is my mother." I said these words with way more conviction than I felt. Truth be told, only a small part of me wanted to know my mother. The more dominate portion wanted to seek revenge on the person who caused all the pain my family and friends have ever suffered. The only way I knew to acquire this revenge was to leave the academy and train. This way I can become stronger and protect what is dear to me. Once again I lost myself to my thoughts. When I came to, I realized Hotaru was giving me a long meaningful look. In that moment I knew she finally understood. With a swift nod of my head I signaled Nodacchi to teleport us back to the academy, where we would meet our fate…


End file.
